How To Catch Yourself Before Contempt Takes Over
It can happen in a blink. You’re in a tense moment, and before you know it, your words turn sharp or your eyes roll without meaning to. That flash of superiority or sarcasm? It might be contempt taking the wheel.
Contempt often slips in when we’re overwhelmed, unheard, or holding onto resentment. But the earlier we can recognize its signs, the easier it becomes to pause, reset, and choose connection instead.
What Contempt Feels Like Before It Shows
Contempt rarely starts loudly. More often, it begins as irritation that simmers just beneath the surface. You might notice thoughts like, “Why do I always have to be the responsible one?” or “They never get it.” These thoughts carry the weight of judgment and emotional distance.
Why It Matters to Catch It Early
Contempt doesn’t just damage conversations. It slowly erodes emotional safety. It tells the other person, “You’re not worth my kindness right now.” Over time, this message, spoken or unspoken, can lead to disconnect and mistrust.
How to Catch Yourself in the Moment
The good news is that you can shift this pattern. Here are some gentle, real-life ways to interrupt contempt before it takes over:
Watch for tension in your body
Tight jaw, clenched fists, shallow breath. Your body often notices stress before your mind catches up. When you feel these cues, pause.Notice your inner commentary
If your thoughts sound like blame or superiority, it’s a sign to slow down. Ask yourself, “Am I trying to protect something tender here?”Use one grounding question
Try asking, “What do I really need right now?” or “What would help me feel safe in this moment?” These questions shift your focus from judgment to care.Take a micro-break
If things feel heated, step away briefly. A walk around the block or a few deep breaths can give your nervous system the space it needs to regulate.Practice a soft landing
When you come back, lead with vulnerability. “That was hard for me to hear” invites connection. “You’re always impossible” shuts it down.
If you’ve let contempt slip through, you’re human. It doesn’t mean you’re unkind. It means your nervous system is asking for more support and safety. At Nebbi, we create tools to help you catch these moments early and guide them gently toward healing.
You don’t have to get it perfect. You just have to stay open to trying again, one breath at a time.
